Tuesday, September 29, 2009
It just occurred to me as I glanced at the pictures how easy it would be to just post those "happy moment pics" and tell you all that everything was going great!! I guess that's what a lot of people would do to keep up appearances....I tend to believe that being real leaves me with a sense of inner peace that faking it never gave me. So I'll do my best to be real even when my ego wants you to think I've got it all together.......because I've been around long enough to know that nobody does.
Daddy-Taylor dance
Bubble Bath!
Peek A Boo!
Working on Noah's Room
Busted!
Noah loved his room
(please ignore me in this picture!
Noah had just pulled the rubber band from
my hair...he loves to do that!)
Noah being an airplane
Taylor
(in time-out on the playground...hehe)
Playing at the playground....it's getting cold!
For some reason when we got to the seminary, they decided
to lay down
Playing in front of the Seminary
150 year old church on campus that was moved from somewhere
else in Minnesota (Scandia church)
Inside the church
This is just down from our apt a bit...if you look close,
you can see Noah.
What a month!
Wow! What a week it's been since I last wrote!! To keep with the spirit of authenticity that I believe in very strongly, I must admit last week was a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. It was in fact, one of the hardest weeks I've had. Bryan was finishing his last week of September School. He was quite literally gone almost every day from morning until late night. Even under normal circumstances this would be challenging for any parent. With the circumstances of Noah's recent transition issues, last week nearly took me down.
Wednesday started off very well. Noah started at his new preschool. It is called NeHi Christian Preschool and it's in the same building as a local Lutheran elementary school. I took him by myself and was unsure about how he'd feel about me leaving. After about 5 minutes, he gave me a hug and sent me on my way. When Bryan picked him up after lunch, the report was excellent and we were relieved. In the past Noah had almost never struggled at school with behavior issues but in light of his recent behavior, we were not sure what to expect. We did suspect though that he was craving structure so it made sense that he was himself at school. I'm sure a break from home where he has been experiencing many consequences and much discipline lately helped also. Bryan headed off to write papers and I took over. From that point on, Noah's behavior went way down hill. The main source of his frustration as it appears on the outside is Taylor (although she rarely does anything to antagonize him). He constantly has been trying to control her every move and she gets mad and lashes out and then he ends up hurting her.....then he gets in trouble.....then he is frustrated that he's in trouble....then his consequences increase...then I get frustrated...then eventually everything finally calms back down. This is the cycle that has been repeating over and over and over since about 2 weeks before we left. Two things make it so crazy. First, it is so frustrating that Taylor is getting picked on constantly when she does not usually bring it upon herself. Second, is the way that Noah has been reacting to his consequences. At first when this started, we were experiencing spitting, punching, sassiness, toy throwing, door kicking, etc. With extreme behavior like that, we made the decision to stop spanking for now. Spankings were only escalating the behavior and we were getting so angry at him that we felt it was not a good idea to try to spank. Over the weeks, the episodes have been fewer and those really strong reactions have been more rare. However, dealing with even 2 or 3 of those big episodes each day along with the many times that he gets in trouble and doesn't explode is still crazy hard!! So on Wednesday the kids were fighting quite a bit. I was watching a neighbor's little girl and my kids were fighting almost nonstop. When her parent's came, Noah freaked out (not sure why). He started being rude to me and hitting me. He wouldn't let us have a conversation. Although I 've been doing a decent job of not owning his behavior, I became very embarrassed, especially because they were going to be watching both of the kids the next morning. I asked Noah to go down the hall and apologize. While he did technically do so, he turned around and punched the glass wall afterwards. That did it for me, I was done. I scooped him up and took him to his room and shut the door. All I could do is sit in the livingroom and cry. Bryan happened to stop by for a few minutes which was helpful but I was exhausted. Poor Taylor just came over and hugged me. It was hard. Very hard.
Thursday morning Bryan and I went to our 4 hour assessment tests that the school provides to help you learn about yourself, your preferences, possible ministry ideas, etc. As I was doing that, two things were happening. I was worried about how the kids were being for our friends...and I was trying to not skew the test results with all of my recent circumstances. One question read "Are you losing your mind?" At that moment, I felt the answer was at least a maybe! To my relief, when we returned, the kids got good reports. The rest of Thursday and Friday were filled with ups and downs. Basically if Noah is on his own and Taylor is not around, things are calm but the second she enters the room, he changes. We assume that he is trying to control her because he feels so out of control right now. Anyway, more and more battles as the week dragged on, wore me out even more. To make things worse, the kids were having trouble getting to sleep at night which they rarely struggle with. Several nights in a row I planned to go running after they went to sleep and then leave the monitor with the neighbor......each night that window came and went and I grew more frustrated. You can see this isn't going any place good, right?
Saturday morning started with Noah in time out less than 5 minutes after he was out of bed. That is never a good sign. Bryan had to be gone until mid-afternoon and he'd be officially free for 3 days but at that point, mid-afternoon might as well have been next summer. Stupidly, I decided that I'd take the kids to Michael's (store) because I needed to drop some things off and then go to the library to pick out some movies and books. Normally, this would not have been a big deal. Normally. Since the morning had been filled with fighting, I told them they could get a prize for not fighting in the store. Didn't work, 3 fights later, I am walking out of the store with a screaming 4 year old clinging to my leg. Ugh! We headed home because he'd also lost his library privileges...it was a hard hard day. By lunch, I was so worn down, I finally snapped and lost my temper with Noah big time when he decided to talk back to me in a disrespectful manor.....there was screaming, yelling, door slamming, food thrown away, etc. Not pretty stuff or stuff that I'm proud of. But I had had all that I could take at that moment. Again, I sat in the living room and broke down. It was at that point, I knew a change had to be made. I needed some tools to deal with this behavior and some tools to help me keep my emotions under control. I did not want to be modeling the exact behavior that I wanted to teach him not to do. I talked with Noah and then with Bryan when he got home. I didn't know what I was going to do differently but I began to brainstorm and pray about it. I opened my journal for the first time in a month and recorded my pledge to make a change. Made it through the rest of the day and our neighbor came down to stay with the kids so we could go out for a late date. We ate at Ruby Tuesday's and drove around downtown Minneapolis. It was a much needed break!!
Sunday was a new day. We got up and attended Eagle Brook church where we have been going. Our next door neighbor (and by next door I mean her front door is about 12 inches from ours) Kara went with us as she's been doing for a few weeks now. (she was the one who told us about the church) The sermon was awesome! It was on making hard decisions and being sure you stay within God's will as you make them. We were all inspired.
When we got back, the kids got into a big fight on the way inside and Kara helped me with them (Bryan was on the phone). This sparked one of those long and life-changing conversation. Turns out Kara is wired much like Noah. She has also worked with preschoolers and has a heart for pastoral care. She had some wonderful ideas to help me as I deal with highly emotionally situations. She also had some great ideas to try out with Noah. I was so blessed by our talk and truly thank God that she is right next door. Later that day I had another conversation with a mom from the next building who has a daughter that is spirited like Noah. I was reminded about an earlier idea she'd shared about behavioral change that had worked with her daughter when she was Noah's age. Later in the day I escaped for some much needed quiet time and began a study of Proverbs. The pastor had suggested a one month study of Proverbs so "soak up" God's wisdom in order that it be readily available as you make daily decisions. I grabbed some Starbuck's, caught up on my journalling and read Proverbs 1. It was a good new day!
Monday morning I took Noah to preschool and headed home to hang out with Bryan and Taylor. We worked to decorate Noah's room and surprise him. His room was the only one we hadn't gotten put together yet since I needed Bryan to help hang stuff. It turned out really cute and we had a nice time spending some alone time with Tay. Bryan headed out to pick up Noah and do some errands so I finished picking up the house and played with Taylor. Kara brought over some homemade cinnamon rolls along with one of the sweetest and encouraging cards that I've ever received from a friend. I put Taylor down for a nap and enjoyed some peace, quiet and reading time. When Noah got home, we showed him his room and it was a huge hit so that was really rewarding!
The biggest news of yesterday, however, was the launch of our new behavior reward system for Noah. I bought several small, cheap but fun prizes and put them in a big basket. We drew 3 smiley faces on the dry erase board on the fridge and set the time for 2 hours. Fighting with Taylor results in losing 1 smiley face. When the timer goes off, if he has at least 1 smiley face left, he earns a prize. We laid out the new system for him and then I headed out on some errands by myself (love that!). Bryan called me with the report 2 hours later. Noah had not fought with Taylor even once and he was going out of his way to be especially kind to her!!! We were so excited that something was helping!! Now I know this will not last forever but it's a step in the right direction and providing some much needed change.
Today has been another good day.....I'd even say wonderful! We've all been able to hang out, finish up Noah's room and just relax. Bryan has his first class this evening. A longer break would have been nice but I'll take what I can get. I am hoping to start temp work next week some time. I applied for a job here on campus which I am really really hoping to get. Not only does it look like a great job but Bryan's tuition would be free after 2 years and mine would be free after 9 months (if I want to take some classes).
So to conclude my very long post, we made it through the hardest month our little family has ever been through. It got pretty crazy and emotions ran high. We made some mistakes but learned also along the way. .....and today we have a new sense of peace in our home. For that I am thankful to our Father above...as I have clearly seen him do an amazing work in our lives over the last few days!!
Wednesday started off very well. Noah started at his new preschool. It is called NeHi Christian Preschool and it's in the same building as a local Lutheran elementary school. I took him by myself and was unsure about how he'd feel about me leaving. After about 5 minutes, he gave me a hug and sent me on my way. When Bryan picked him up after lunch, the report was excellent and we were relieved. In the past Noah had almost never struggled at school with behavior issues but in light of his recent behavior, we were not sure what to expect. We did suspect though that he was craving structure so it made sense that he was himself at school. I'm sure a break from home where he has been experiencing many consequences and much discipline lately helped also. Bryan headed off to write papers and I took over. From that point on, Noah's behavior went way down hill. The main source of his frustration as it appears on the outside is Taylor (although she rarely does anything to antagonize him). He constantly has been trying to control her every move and she gets mad and lashes out and then he ends up hurting her.....then he gets in trouble.....then he is frustrated that he's in trouble....then his consequences increase...then I get frustrated...then eventually everything finally calms back down. This is the cycle that has been repeating over and over and over since about 2 weeks before we left. Two things make it so crazy. First, it is so frustrating that Taylor is getting picked on constantly when she does not usually bring it upon herself. Second, is the way that Noah has been reacting to his consequences. At first when this started, we were experiencing spitting, punching, sassiness, toy throwing, door kicking, etc. With extreme behavior like that, we made the decision to stop spanking for now. Spankings were only escalating the behavior and we were getting so angry at him that we felt it was not a good idea to try to spank. Over the weeks, the episodes have been fewer and those really strong reactions have been more rare. However, dealing with even 2 or 3 of those big episodes each day along with the many times that he gets in trouble and doesn't explode is still crazy hard!! So on Wednesday the kids were fighting quite a bit. I was watching a neighbor's little girl and my kids were fighting almost nonstop. When her parent's came, Noah freaked out (not sure why). He started being rude to me and hitting me. He wouldn't let us have a conversation. Although I 've been doing a decent job of not owning his behavior, I became very embarrassed, especially because they were going to be watching both of the kids the next morning. I asked Noah to go down the hall and apologize. While he did technically do so, he turned around and punched the glass wall afterwards. That did it for me, I was done. I scooped him up and took him to his room and shut the door. All I could do is sit in the livingroom and cry. Bryan happened to stop by for a few minutes which was helpful but I was exhausted. Poor Taylor just came over and hugged me. It was hard. Very hard.
Thursday morning Bryan and I went to our 4 hour assessment tests that the school provides to help you learn about yourself, your preferences, possible ministry ideas, etc. As I was doing that, two things were happening. I was worried about how the kids were being for our friends...and I was trying to not skew the test results with all of my recent circumstances. One question read "Are you losing your mind?" At that moment, I felt the answer was at least a maybe! To my relief, when we returned, the kids got good reports. The rest of Thursday and Friday were filled with ups and downs. Basically if Noah is on his own and Taylor is not around, things are calm but the second she enters the room, he changes. We assume that he is trying to control her because he feels so out of control right now. Anyway, more and more battles as the week dragged on, wore me out even more. To make things worse, the kids were having trouble getting to sleep at night which they rarely struggle with. Several nights in a row I planned to go running after they went to sleep and then leave the monitor with the neighbor......each night that window came and went and I grew more frustrated. You can see this isn't going any place good, right?
Saturday morning started with Noah in time out less than 5 minutes after he was out of bed. That is never a good sign. Bryan had to be gone until mid-afternoon and he'd be officially free for 3 days but at that point, mid-afternoon might as well have been next summer. Stupidly, I decided that I'd take the kids to Michael's (store) because I needed to drop some things off and then go to the library to pick out some movies and books. Normally, this would not have been a big deal. Normally. Since the morning had been filled with fighting, I told them they could get a prize for not fighting in the store. Didn't work, 3 fights later, I am walking out of the store with a screaming 4 year old clinging to my leg. Ugh! We headed home because he'd also lost his library privileges...it was a hard hard day. By lunch, I was so worn down, I finally snapped and lost my temper with Noah big time when he decided to talk back to me in a disrespectful manor.....there was screaming, yelling, door slamming, food thrown away, etc. Not pretty stuff or stuff that I'm proud of. But I had had all that I could take at that moment. Again, I sat in the living room and broke down. It was at that point, I knew a change had to be made. I needed some tools to deal with this behavior and some tools to help me keep my emotions under control. I did not want to be modeling the exact behavior that I wanted to teach him not to do. I talked with Noah and then with Bryan when he got home. I didn't know what I was going to do differently but I began to brainstorm and pray about it. I opened my journal for the first time in a month and recorded my pledge to make a change. Made it through the rest of the day and our neighbor came down to stay with the kids so we could go out for a late date. We ate at Ruby Tuesday's and drove around downtown Minneapolis. It was a much needed break!!
Sunday was a new day. We got up and attended Eagle Brook church where we have been going. Our next door neighbor (and by next door I mean her front door is about 12 inches from ours) Kara went with us as she's been doing for a few weeks now. (she was the one who told us about the church) The sermon was awesome! It was on making hard decisions and being sure you stay within God's will as you make them. We were all inspired.
When we got back, the kids got into a big fight on the way inside and Kara helped me with them (Bryan was on the phone). This sparked one of those long and life-changing conversation. Turns out Kara is wired much like Noah. She has also worked with preschoolers and has a heart for pastoral care. She had some wonderful ideas to help me as I deal with highly emotionally situations. She also had some great ideas to try out with Noah. I was so blessed by our talk and truly thank God that she is right next door. Later that day I had another conversation with a mom from the next building who has a daughter that is spirited like Noah. I was reminded about an earlier idea she'd shared about behavioral change that had worked with her daughter when she was Noah's age. Later in the day I escaped for some much needed quiet time and began a study of Proverbs. The pastor had suggested a one month study of Proverbs so "soak up" God's wisdom in order that it be readily available as you make daily decisions. I grabbed some Starbuck's, caught up on my journalling and read Proverbs 1. It was a good new day!
Monday morning I took Noah to preschool and headed home to hang out with Bryan and Taylor. We worked to decorate Noah's room and surprise him. His room was the only one we hadn't gotten put together yet since I needed Bryan to help hang stuff. It turned out really cute and we had a nice time spending some alone time with Tay. Bryan headed out to pick up Noah and do some errands so I finished picking up the house and played with Taylor. Kara brought over some homemade cinnamon rolls along with one of the sweetest and encouraging cards that I've ever received from a friend. I put Taylor down for a nap and enjoyed some peace, quiet and reading time. When Noah got home, we showed him his room and it was a huge hit so that was really rewarding!
The biggest news of yesterday, however, was the launch of our new behavior reward system for Noah. I bought several small, cheap but fun prizes and put them in a big basket. We drew 3 smiley faces on the dry erase board on the fridge and set the time for 2 hours. Fighting with Taylor results in losing 1 smiley face. When the timer goes off, if he has at least 1 smiley face left, he earns a prize. We laid out the new system for him and then I headed out on some errands by myself (love that!). Bryan called me with the report 2 hours later. Noah had not fought with Taylor even once and he was going out of his way to be especially kind to her!!! We were so excited that something was helping!! Now I know this will not last forever but it's a step in the right direction and providing some much needed change.
Today has been another good day.....I'd even say wonderful! We've all been able to hang out, finish up Noah's room and just relax. Bryan has his first class this evening. A longer break would have been nice but I'll take what I can get. I am hoping to start temp work next week some time. I applied for a job here on campus which I am really really hoping to get. Not only does it look like a great job but Bryan's tuition would be free after 2 years and mine would be free after 9 months (if I want to take some classes).
So to conclude my very long post, we made it through the hardest month our little family has ever been through. It got pretty crazy and emotions ran high. We made some mistakes but learned also along the way. .....and today we have a new sense of peace in our home. For that I am thankful to our Father above...as I have clearly seen him do an amazing work in our lives over the last few days!!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Nature Walk
Stump Bridge
Jumping for leaves
Climbing Seminary Hill
(place where they hold bonfires)
Seminary Hill was a little harder for Taylor
At the top there are some carvings
Picking up leaves for the craft
Lots of leaves...
Noah's
Taylor's
Monday, September 21, 2009
Unexpected Fun
After a very busy few weeks, Bryan and I decided that he should take Sunday completely off from his studies even though it will mean more time away this week. I think it was a good decision. We attended Eagle Brook Church again in the morning...and our new friend and neighbor Kara went with us. Bryan enjoyed the sermon very much and I went to the 4s room with Noah in Kid O Deo. It was a good time. Luckily we were able to leave the premises temper-tantrum free....which was unlike the previous week when Noah had a huge meltdown in the parking lot as we were leaving. We were surprised Kara dared to go with us again!! haha
After lunch and a quiet time, we headed out to DQ for some ice cream and then to a couple of thrift stores to look for a cheap bike for Noah No luck with that but on the way back we stopped at a lakeside playground thinking we'd just play on the equipment. They had some really cool water toys, the weather was nice (yes I said nice and yes I am still in Minnesota!) so we stripped Taylor down to her diaper and Noah down to his undies and they had a blast. I was feeling a little white trash but we ended up starting a trend. Before we knew it, there were 3 other families of kids playing in their shorts, diapers and undies!! They all had a blast. After awhile, Taylor tried to leave the water for the nearest slide and her water-soaked diaper dropped to the ground. Not sure she was thrilled but it was pretty funny!! We dryed them off, changed clothes and headed home.
I just love those moments of unexpected fun!!
After lunch and a quiet time, we headed out to DQ for some ice cream and then to a couple of thrift stores to look for a cheap bike for Noah No luck with that but on the way back we stopped at a lakeside playground thinking we'd just play on the equipment. They had some really cool water toys, the weather was nice (yes I said nice and yes I am still in Minnesota!) so we stripped Taylor down to her diaper and Noah down to his undies and they had a blast. I was feeling a little white trash but we ended up starting a trend. Before we knew it, there were 3 other families of kids playing in their shorts, diapers and undies!! They all had a blast. After awhile, Taylor tried to leave the water for the nearest slide and her water-soaked diaper dropped to the ground. Not sure she was thrilled but it was pretty funny!! We dryed them off, changed clothes and headed home.
I just love those moments of unexpected fun!!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Our first few weeks
We pulled into town on August 21st. As we pulled into the parking lot of Seminary Village, Taylor said "we're home, we're home." Even though she'd said the same thing when we stopped at a travel plaza in Albert Lea, it was still pretty sweet. First thing out of the van, Noah headed for the playground even though is was not visible from where we parked. He must have remembered from the pictures we'd shown him. We were greeted by two seminary kids...Kathryn and Kenneth. They were so sweet and welcomed us all. Before we even checked out our new place, Taylor was sitting on Kathryn's lap. We got our keys and got into our apartment. We really like it. They are older but have newer carpet and have been freshly painted. The kids ran around like crazy people. It was a pretty cool way to say "hello" to our new home.
We stayed in a hotel the first night and Bryan's mom, dad and brother got into town in the middle of the night with our stuff. We worked all day Saturday moving in boxes and furniture....then unpacking boxes and getting situated. Bryan's family was a huge help and we hated to see them leave so soon on Sunday.
Over the next few weeks, we worked a lot on unpacking while we tried to take regular breaks to play with the kids. One of the great things about the Sem. Village is that we can see a huge portion of the play area from our livingroom window so Noah can go outside without us. WooHoo!! We headed to the Mall of America to take Noah on his long-awaited roller coaster ride at Nickelodeon Universe!! It scared the crap out of him and nearly made Bryan vomit!! haha Of course, we also had to head to IKEA a few days later...gotta love that store!!
Bryan had signed up for an intensive 4 credit hr course called September school before we moved. Little did we know, it involved 350 pages of reading and around 40 pages of writing. He had to start his course prework only a week after we arrived and is still in the midst of it. Needless to say, that's thrown a kink in our unpacking, family time plans. Noah has been struggling with the transition (trust me when I say that is the understatement of the century!!) so it's been a little rough on all of us. Luckily, my parents came up a couple of weeks after our move and helped us get the apartment together and with the kids.....and of course we took another trip to IKEA!! It was a nice visit but too short.
The community here is truly amazing. We have met several friends already. Since we are all in the same boat, it makes it a lot easier to get to know people quickly. Everyone is so helpful and supportive of each other. We had some friends over last weekend and the coolest thing is that the people near our apartment can just bring their baby monitors to our place and hang out!!
Before we came, we bought a Garmin. That was one of best purchases ever!! I have never lived some where with such amazing shopping!! You name the store and I can probably get there in 30 minutes or less!! And wow!! Don't worry though.....my most frequent stops have been at the local thrift stores...which are quite amazing also!! I told Bryan that some day when Taylor is older, she's gonna be mad that she used to live by the Mall of America....but she was 2!!
For now, Bryan is working hard to finish up his course on Missions and I am working hard to entertain the kiddos while Bryan is gone much of the day and night. We are all looking forward to September school being done!! Hope you will enjoy following our family as we navigate this journey we our on...
We stayed in a hotel the first night and Bryan's mom, dad and brother got into town in the middle of the night with our stuff. We worked all day Saturday moving in boxes and furniture....then unpacking boxes and getting situated. Bryan's family was a huge help and we hated to see them leave so soon on Sunday.
Over the next few weeks, we worked a lot on unpacking while we tried to take regular breaks to play with the kids. One of the great things about the Sem. Village is that we can see a huge portion of the play area from our livingroom window so Noah can go outside without us. WooHoo!! We headed to the Mall of America to take Noah on his long-awaited roller coaster ride at Nickelodeon Universe!! It scared the crap out of him and nearly made Bryan vomit!! haha Of course, we also had to head to IKEA a few days later...gotta love that store!!
Bryan had signed up for an intensive 4 credit hr course called September school before we moved. Little did we know, it involved 350 pages of reading and around 40 pages of writing. He had to start his course prework only a week after we arrived and is still in the midst of it. Needless to say, that's thrown a kink in our unpacking, family time plans. Noah has been struggling with the transition (trust me when I say that is the understatement of the century!!) so it's been a little rough on all of us. Luckily, my parents came up a couple of weeks after our move and helped us get the apartment together and with the kids.....and of course we took another trip to IKEA!! It was a nice visit but too short.
The community here is truly amazing. We have met several friends already. Since we are all in the same boat, it makes it a lot easier to get to know people quickly. Everyone is so helpful and supportive of each other. We had some friends over last weekend and the coolest thing is that the people near our apartment can just bring their baby monitors to our place and hang out!!
Before we came, we bought a Garmin. That was one of best purchases ever!! I have never lived some where with such amazing shopping!! You name the store and I can probably get there in 30 minutes or less!! And wow!! Don't worry though.....my most frequent stops have been at the local thrift stores...which are quite amazing also!! I told Bryan that some day when Taylor is older, she's gonna be mad that she used to live by the Mall of America....but she was 2!!
For now, Bryan is working hard to finish up his course on Missions and I am working hard to entertain the kiddos while Bryan is gone much of the day and night. We are all looking forward to September school being done!! Hope you will enjoy following our family as we navigate this journey we our on...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)